When it comes to love, one of the most important questions to ask ourselves is:
“How do I want to be loved?”.
“This question can produce tears, joy, gratitude or relief and doubt in equal measure, depending on who you’re talking to and how capable people are of giving and receiving the kind of love they value most. Sometimes this question produces a long pause of silence. Because people never have time to think about such things.”
So… How do you want to be loved?
There are 6 main ways that people express their love for each other: Physical, Emotional, Sexual, Intellectual, Practical and Spiritual.
The order does not matter, because none of these aspects is more important than the other.
Relationships work better when the two want to be loved in roughly the same way, or when the two are able to laugh about their differences instead of arguing, based on deep mutual respect.
So…before you walk down the aisle or close the door on each other, run through these 6 questions that probe the 6 types of love:
1. Physical Love: How much are we physically attracted to each other? Do we both want the same things, the same amount of caresses, kisses and hugs?
2. Sexual Love: How compatible are we sexually and how excited are we by the same things?
3. Emotional Love: How important is it for both of you to share your feelings with each other and be heard? Are you on the same wavelength? Can you say about your partner “He knows me best”?
4. Intellectual Love: How important is intellectual stimulation to each of you?
5. Practical love: How much do we team up when it comes to household chores or financial planning?
6. Spiritual Love: Do you share the same perspectives on the meaning of life? How much do we look together in the same direction? What are our values and visions?
For those with children, we could also add number 7, which refers to our attitude related to parenting. Do we have the same perspectives on raising children?
Why is it important to think about these important aspects of love? Because they reveal our deep values, in other words what is most important to us. Our vision of the relationship is the engine of the expectations we have and our happiness is determined, at least to a certain extent, by how much these expectations are fulfilled in the relationships we have.
Unfulfilled expectations lead to frustrations, which can manifest through extramarital affairs. Or other times it manifests itself through a resigned or nagging attitude on the part of one of the partners. Other times the two engage in arrogant strategies to change the other.
We also need to know that values change. We often blame the other – “He is NOT the person we once knew.”
But for example, it may happen that you enter a relationship where the intellectual aspect does not matter so much to you, so that later in years, it becomes a priority. So we change the priorities of aspects of love. For example, the practical aspect may become more important when children appear and so on.
And don’t forget, a beautiful relationship is built together!
